Guitar Hero III Review

“So you wanna be a Rock Super Star with your big house, five cars, you’re in charge…” Indeed, the boys on the Hill know the deal. Rock Stars… is there anything they don’t know? Who wouldn’t want to be a Rock Star? Anyone who says they wouldn’t is a liar. Probably the same dude who says he never looks at Internet porn. Rock is the true essence of life and to indulge in the act of “Rocking Out” is to be one with the Universe. Planets aligning… or exploding… or revolving or…whatever it is planet’s do kind of stuff.

Thankfully for those of us who aren’t blessed with the talent of being able to melt faces with our rock powers in real life there’s the Guitar Hero franchise compliments of Activision. Enter Guitar Hero III the next installment of the wildly successful and popular series. It’s kind of like Karaoke meets “Whack A Mole” or something.

As with all video games, some reasonable hand eye coordination is required to successfully battle Rage Against the Machine’s Tom Morello into submission. A little more skill is required to take Slash from GNR down and as for Satan…well…let’s just say they don’t call this dude the Dark Lord for nothing. It’s a lot of pressure especially when your soul is at stake.

Which brings me to my next point, being a Rock Star is tough work man. After playing GH 3 I’ve realized that it’s not all about fancy cars, loose women, copious amounts of drugs and booze, sleeping all day and partying all night. It’s about practicing until you have every last riff, vocal, beat and bass line down and then practicing some more. As if.

Follow these 10 simple steps to playing GH 3 and you’ll be as close to being a real Rock Star as you’ll probably ever need to be: Step 1, drink a fifth of Jack Daniels. Step 2, drink another fifth of Jack Daniels. Step 3, turn on your gaming console. Step 4, turn your TV or home theatre system up so that it’s so loud the white noise alone it produces hurts your ears. Step 5, drink another fifth of Jack. Step 6, plug in and play. Step 7, drink another fifth of Jack. Step 8, ignore all complaints from neighbors, parents, girlfriends, police etc. Step 9, wreck something. Step 10, pass out. OR drink another fifth of Jack then pass out and don’t forget; Rock and Roll will never die but you will so you may as well be a Guitar Hero before you do.